i aM mE:/

just a bad day

2009-08-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

im pissed. im not satisfied. i dont know how i feel exactly. i love him. but there is just something that is happening lately that makes me feel if i am the one for him. i know i wanna be with him coz he reflects positively of himself. and i am the vice versa. i am seen as a bad person. i am seem as being useless. i am seem being good for nothing. well except education. thats the only thing that i was proud of. but today, even though i still possess the bad characters in me, i know deep inside that i have the potential to do something that i have never done before and have the capabilities to stand on my own without the help of an adult to 'feed' me. yes, i am spoilt but i believe that everyone deserves a chance to change and improve on what has been lacking. yes, i can change but i cannot do this on my own. i need moral support, encouragement, motivation to influence my behaviour. i want someone to recognise my efforts when i did something that i used to drag myself to do it. i want to hear ppl praising me instead of always telling me that i always do the wrong things. changing takes time and it is a step by step process. u cant expect someone to change by a huge leap, right? it is the small steps that makes a big difference in one's life. as for in this relationship that i am currently in, i love this relationship and i want this to go on as far as possible. both of us loves winning. neither of us wants to give up when one doesnt agree with another. one will ultimately give way and compromise and what sucks is that most of the times, it is always him compromising and i am the one feeling bad and the one who is seemed wrong. but now i can see some changes. he would give in sometimes and at other times, he wouldnt. at times, i find that it is so difficult communicating with him and i have to correctly placed my words and make sure that the words do not come out wrong just to avoid fighting with him. sometimes being quiet is the best but thats not how i want my relationship to be. i want this based on sincerity and honesty. i dont believe in keeping to oneself. a partner should be someone one is comfortable talking to and not someone who is afraid to. i want true feelings to show. yes, sometimes the truth hurts but it is better to let it all out rather than keeping it inside. being in a relationship has many of its responsibilities too. one may like but the other may not like. it is hard pleasing our partners sometimes. sometimes i think i know him but sometimes i dont think i know him. what should i do now? i am also worried about my future. i have always wanted to fly with an international carrier. it is the ambition that i have been holding on to since i was a little girl. i love travelling and seeing new places and learn more about people and their cultures. there are things that are holding me back though. the suckiest is he told me to let him go if i have decided to fly after my graduation. it just makes it harder for me to decide. yes it is hard leavin behind my family and friends and him. but i did not expect him to say such to me. according to him, he did not wanna get hurt knowing that ill be having a super fun time there partying and fooling around with other men. how can he assume? its not fair. how can he assume that i will fool around and be outta control? it has my dream and ambition to fly and be part of a cabin crew. im just in a dilemma now. i dont know what to do. i dont wanna throw away my ambition just like that for him and at the same time, i dont wanna lose him. i feel so childish right now and silly but hey i am stuck between him and my ambition to fly. bear in mind that flying is something i enjoy and love doing. sucks!

im bacK

2009-06-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

its been months since my last post. been busy with tons of schoolwork. will be havin hols soon. 2 more papers to go and im done with the sufferings and pains from projects, assignments and presentation! i hate presentations man. but what to do? still gta go through it. sucks!

hmm smth in my mind lately. told jas so far (my online bestfriend! haha kental). sorry farah didnt get the chance to let you know-will let you know when we catch up soon :). but anywaes, its been botherin me. its abt a schoolmate/classmate who recently admitted to me somethin out of the blue and its still buggin me. i dont know why. i felt emotionally disturbed. i didnt know what the hell he was thinkin! its a small matter laa. whatever!

now cant go to sleep yet coz still need to wait for Sangeetaa to pass my notes and book back for my last 2 papers. *sigh* cant wait for Saturday to come. pls come quick!

bored now. *tada!

Three days outin with the BF

2009-02-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

Well, we were supposed to go Batam. However, due to certain circumstances, we decided not to go. And he already took three off days so we might as else use those days to spend time together lor!

18 Feb 09
Met Faiz in Bedok. We headed down to Big Fish which is now rumoured to be the competitors of Manhattan Fish Market and FIsh & Co. Located at Upper East Coast Rd at Goodwill Court. It is havin promotion now and that is order 2 main dishes and get 1 other dish for free! Of course, the portionin is small but it is worth the try. Altogeher we spent $40.

After the breakfast cum lunch, we went to Parkway Parade. Hee. Thought of just walkin around since the two of us da tgh broke but in the end, I still buy things. Cant resist the temptation of buyin stuffs. Bought a denim skirt and a Topshop top. Haha.

Went back to Pasir RIs. Bought some Sushi for Dinner. Sedap seh! haHA then bumped into my sister and Raja Nazrul (her bf). Chilled at Costa Sands Resort for an hour or so then headed home.

19Feb 09
Supposed to meet Faiz for breakfast at Bedok Mcdonald. But both couldnt wake up. Nevermind. So met Faiz at Pasir Ris and watch movie-He's just not that into you. Ok laa. Not so fantastic though.

After which went to my sister's workplace at Ogilvy Centre Starbucks. As usual, I had my Caramel Java Chip with whipped cream. Waited for my sis to finish her work at 6pm. Then had dinner at Lau Pa Sat's Ocean Seafood. Ordered chilli Lala, Cockles, Sambal Stingray and Mee bandung and Prata! Wah so kenyang. Felt so bloated! Haa but its all worth it.

After dinner, Faiz and I went to Clarke Quay. Bought drinks at Cheers so that we could spend time by the river. Then saw this dress at Club Marc. It looked nice. Instead, I bought another dress. Almost 11pm then we made a move to catch the last train home.

20 Feb 09
Met Faiz at Bedok to have our McDonalds braekfast. Haha finally! Then accompanied Faiz trimmed his hair. He looks better in my opinion. Then went back to his place. While he was bathin, I watched my Indo Sinetron Jelita! Then felt sleepy seh. Slept awhile while he played his computer game. Woke up then we quickly headed out to Marina Barrage.

I had lots of fun! Fun at the water playground! Got wet but what the heck. Overall, it is a nice place to chill out and have some ROMANTIC moments. Haha!

22nd Birthday

2009-02-22T08:29:00.000-08:00

On the 14th, while most people go out to celebrate what is called "Valentines Day", I on the other hand, celebrated my birthday. My 22nd birthday! Some friends and relatives came to make the event a successful one. Barbeque started at around 6pm. I was busy with the cam takin pictures until I actually forgotten to eat! I swear! The only thing that I had was the Mackerel Otah. Why? Coz that's my favourite of it all. All in all, I regretted that I did not try the rest. Haiz. I SHOULD have. The cake cuttin was held at 9plus PM. There were two cakes. One is Tiramisu and the other is Choco Nut, I think.

Thanks so much FAiz who bought lots of things. I became speechless. The book. The nails. The digital keychain. The Havainas sandal. And the most SURPRISIN of them all-The Bicycle ! I couldnt ask for more. This is more than enough. Never expected. Thanks Sayang!

When the clock striked 10plus Pm, I went up to take a quick shower. DONE. Went to the carpark basement where the car(that belongs to Dut) awaited my arrival. Hahaha. Faiz and I, Aliff, Haziq and Hasif (Cousins) and Dut (Cousin's Friend) made our way to Arab St. So my wish was granted. And that is to have a relaxin and fun night. Upon reachin, we went to a place called Al-Majlis where the other three people waited for us-Elfee,Ahmad and the other birthday boy! Haha what a coincidence!

So since I didnt have anything during the BBQ, I was feeling very hungry!! So i ordered somethin. It was Steak Sandwich with the side Wedges. The steak was so well-done. Not nice. I rather have it Medium-Rare. But! The wedges are nice! Shesha-ed soon after. I think it was Apple Mint flavour. If not then its Strawberry Mint. Cant remember so well now. Played Bingo too. Haha it was fun.! Time checked already 4am and the shop suppose to close by that time so we made a move off from there and went home. Overall, It was a fun day and honestly, I didnt think I would have had alot of fun days before my birthday.

A million thanks to those who wished me well-wishes on that day and special thanks to my dear girlfriend, Farah who came to celebrate it with me. I like the present u bought for me. Thanks darlin! Muakz!!

Happy Birthday To ME!

i MeLt whEn. .

2009-02-12T01:33:00.000-08:00

seriously am LOVIN American Idol 2009. Personally, I am so meltin EVERYTIME I hear the two bestfriends, Jamar Rogers and Danny Gokey sing! How amazin! Soooo SOULFUL. I'm so feelin them. Really. I swear I can even drop on my knees. Was youtubin and saw a video of Jamar Roger singin his own written song, 'Jasmine'. I love it! I kinda think that eiher the two can win this season's competition. I would definitely vote for them if I can though. Hehe

Enjoy!! Press Play........

\WorKout dAy/

2009-02-11T22:35:00.000-08:00

a.k.a Penyu back in SHatec. How I got that name? well, thanks to an Ex-bf! He gave me that name and somehow it stays with me till now. My friends just L.O.V.E callin by that name. What to do? Like it or hate it. Bluek :P Bein S.L.O.W is just the nature of me. Hah!

Today is a very short day, I find. Woke up late yet again around 16:00hrs like that. Headed to the gym downstairs. Yes! I went to the gym. HAha need to lose at least 5kg mah. Worst part is, I HATE/LOATHE runnin! Never liked it ever since the school days. Everytime durin NAFA Test I just felt totally lifeless and how I wished I was invisible. I would take mornin strolls with a friend (haha whoever u are, thanks for accompanyin). Well, now cant be lazy anymore. MUST lose weight :\

ANyway, 3 more days to the BIG day. I will be 22. Gosh! Gettin old but still young at heart. Heh! Honestly, NOT excited at all about this comin Saturday. Why? Coz the celebration will be havin BBQ with some friends and relatives at HOME! Its alright but I dont wanna be stuck at home all day and night. So told MAma that after the cake cuttin and everythin, I will be headin out. Thought of havin a relaxin night though. Maybe shesha-ing? A-G-A-I-N? Hmm.. Dont know yet. I went to customize my nails for the big day though. Went for the measurement and all last Friday. Cant wait to get the nails done. Will be collectin it this Friday. Its like brown-ish gold with crown sorta decoration on each nails!! Its nice DUH! FAiz just love it. He chose that for me heheh!
I envied Sherlyn for her lovely MAROON coloured nails (well accordin to her its PINK!! ahaha cant believe it!) durin the CNY gatherin but its ok Im gettin mine soon. :P WAkakakaka!!!!

oUts!

::iNsomnia disEase::

2009-02-10T04:30:00.000-08:00

havin insomnia for the last two weeks! urgh! somebody pls help me..am goin nuts everytime im still awake at this hour..tried so hard to sleep but just cant!!

by the way, love that Insomnia song by Craig David..

::missin him at this very moment:: :(

cAtch up wiTh JaMEs

2009-02-10T00:42:00.000-08:00

Our Carbonara & Tuna&Turkey Bacon Pasta

Farah enjoyin her Carbonara

PAstamania's new Halal meNu..

was awaken by Farah's msg this afternoon..time was 15:26..woke up late as usual coz slept at 6am in the morning..she was askin for help if it's possible for me to get hold of James ( a friend cum culinary student back in Shatec)..apperently he is workin at Pastamania e!hub..well Farah needs to borrow the restaurant's customer menu for a few days to a project to analyse menus..so yea met her at around 6pm with Nabilah Mcghie or somethin like that to get a copy of the menu..

then we're off to Coffee Bean while Nab went to her friend's chalet..sat down and customize blog..we ordered Blackforest and Raspberry cheesecake..almost an hour or so James texted me..and he was like sayin that Pastamania is now Halal certified and let him know if we wanna dine in..but we're kinda on a huge budget now so didnt thought of dinin in..awhile later he texted me again and went..

"oh yeah by the way why dont I treat u girls a dinner if u dont mind.."

and I'm like omg seriously? ok la tu rezki tak leh tolak..haha excited gitu ade org nak blanje kite..so then after we're done we left CB and off to Pastamania just distance away..

haha the funny thing was usually we ordered at the counter and pay right?but just now was so weird..we actually ordered what we want straight up to him..not just the food but the drinks!abit paiseh but he wanna treat us pe..wakakaka..Farah had Carbonara and I had Tuna & Turkey Bacon pasta..umm yum yum cedaappp!! mestila free pe..:))so anyway, James left the kitchen to catch up with us (haha suke2 je)..he sat down with us chit chat..ok la after so long didnt catch up..btw,thanks a million James for the special treat!

after dinner we went home..upon reachin home watched Istri untuk suamiku (Indonesian sinetron)..next week last episode haha walau finally!the plot abit off already but still ok la..

wanna watch Wulan (another Indonesian sinetron) now on youtube..why?coz RTM1 shifted the show to RTM2..kurangajar!

ok my syg call already..bye!

a try out

2009-02-09T04:35:00.000-08:00

Group pHoto

Sha is always missin. We miss you!

on our wAy to Anchorage Condo to meet The rESt

farah filzA yap sendin Alicia off to pertH

Farah,Justin and me went to the airport before we're off to the Anchorage. Alicia flyin off to pursue her studies in Perth. Well wishes to you darlz. Yap,be good!

was just wonderin if I should start blogging since I am literally stuck at home and always seem to be on the net. Am havin my holidays now till March 2nd 09. its like more a month of holiday. bored (as always) and cant believe am waitin for him to be done with his workouts. have been waitin for at least an hour but anyways, let him be. just dont understand why. he's already freak thin i swear but he always insist that he's fat bla bla bla. wadever! haha "do u think i can be a model?" "see I'm still fat!" "if i dont workout ull leave me"-heck wadever. he's blabberin utter nonsense shit.

on the 7th had a CNY gatherin with Shatec peeps. it was ok. well at least had the chance to catch up with some of them like particularly Benny Boo! god i miss those days. he was practically always with me, farah, sha, denise talkin nonsense cork shit. haha yes i still write at the back of the pen-just a habit whenever im in class, we sang songs in class, we went ktv, lunched, went out after class and lots lots lots. hah! and and I called him when I have problems etc. just lots! haha promise to go Popeye but still never go. anyways, he just got a gf am sure he's gonna be good.

Farah sayang!! caught up with my dear too and she was well complainin about her school workloads and her new friends in school in SIM. aha just so many stories to tell kan?kan?kan? i can believe what that Nepalese guy did to his gf. what an asshole! gosh i cant get over it! oh and ya sorry dear didnt get to go SubwaY with you yesterday coz I still got no Moolah! i promise we'll go some other day when I'm richer.

by the way, was facebookin and Jaiza and Rubun were online. chatted with both. Rubun still complainin about the virus I had on msn. though ive uninstall the program and such the virus still there so no choice just block me like what FArah did. as for Jaiza, dont know what to say about her. her mum saw her pills and was naggin away haha she cant get over it. her reaction was like so funny so kecoh so typical Filipino. still, I want her to come back soonest :))

so many people complainin today includin my love :) haha ceh! his boss (abg) kinda left him at about 2 plus pm and so he gotta do most of the work like cookin and all. haha then grumble. aww. .

tired now. taa-daa!