just a bad day

im pissed. im not satisfied. i dont know how i feel exactly. i love him. but there is just something that is happening lately that makes me feel if i am the one for him. i know i wanna be with him coz he reflects positively of himself. and i am the vice versa. i am seen as a bad person. i am seem as being useless. i am seem being good for nothing. well except education. thats the only thing that i was proud of. but today, even though i still possess the bad characters in me, i know deep inside that i have the potential to do something that i have never done before and have the capabilities to stand on my own without the help of an adult to 'feed' me. yes, i am spoilt but i believe that everyone deserves a chance to change and improve on what has been lacking. yes, i can change but i cannot do this on my own. i need moral support, encouragement, motivation to influence my behaviour. i want someone to recognise my efforts when i did something that i used to drag myself to do it. i want to hear ppl praising me instead of always telling me that i always do the wrong things. changing takes time and it is a step by step process. u cant expect someone to change by a huge leap, right? it is the small steps that makes a big difference in one's life. as for in this relationship that i am currently in, i love this relationship and i want this to go on as far as possible. both of us loves winning. neither of us wants to give up when one doesnt agree with another. one will ultimately give way and compromise and what sucks is that most of the times, it is always him compromising and i am the one feeling bad and the one who is seemed wrong. but now i can see some changes. he would give in sometimes and at other times, he wouldnt. at times, i find that it is so difficult communicating with him and i have to correctly placed my words and make sure that the words do not come out wrong just to avoid fighting with him. sometimes being quiet is the best but thats not how i want my relationship to be. i want this based on sincerity and honesty. i dont believe in keeping to oneself. a partner should be someone one is comfortable talking to and not someone who is afraid to. i want true feelings to show. yes, sometimes the truth hurts but it is better to let it all out rather than keeping it inside. being in a relationship has many of its responsibilities too. one may like but the other may not like. it is hard pleasing our partners sometimes. sometimes i think i know him but sometimes i dont think i know him. what should i do now? i am also worried about my future. i have always wanted to fly with an international carrier. it is the ambition that i have been holding on to since i was a little girl. i love travelling and seeing new places and learn more about people and their cultures. there are things that are holding me back though. the suckiest is he told me to let him go if i have decided to fly after my graduation. it just makes it harder for me to decide. yes it is hard leavin behind my family and friends and him. but i did not expect him to say such to me. according to him, he did not wanna get hurt knowing that ill be having a super fun time there partying and fooling around with other men. how can he assume? its not fair. how can he assume that i will fool around and be outta control? it has my dream and ambition to fly and be part of a cabin crew. im just in a dilemma now. i dont know what to do. i dont wanna throw away my ambition just like that for him and at the same time, i dont wanna lose him. i feel so childish right now and silly but hey i am stuck between him and my ambition to fly. bear in mind that flying is something i enjoy and love doing. sucks!

im bacK

its been months since my last post. been busy with tons of schoolwork. will be havin hols soon. 2 more papers to go and im done with the sufferings and pains from projects, assignments and presentation! i hate presentations man. but what to do? still gta go through it. sucks!

hmm smth in my mind lately. told jas so far (my online bestfriend! haha kental). sorry farah didnt get the chance to let you know-will let you know when we catch up soon :). but anywaes, its been botherin me. its abt a schoolmate/classmate who recently admitted to me somethin out of the blue and its still buggin me. i dont know why. i felt emotionally disturbed. i didnt know what the hell he was thinkin! its a small matter laa. whatever!

now cant go to sleep yet coz still need to wait for Sangeetaa to pass my notes and book back for my last 2 papers. *sigh* cant wait for Saturday to come. pls come quick!

bored now. *tada!

Three days outin with the BF

Well, we were supposed to go Batam. However, due to certain circumstances, we decided not to go. And he already took three off days so we might as else use those days to spend time together lor!

18 Feb 09
Met Faiz in Bedok. We headed down to Big Fish which is now rumoured to be the competitors of Manhattan Fish Market and FIsh & Co. Located at Upper East Coast Rd at Goodwill Court. It is havin promotion now and that is order 2 main dishes and get 1 other dish for free! Of course, the portionin is small but it is worth the try. Altogeher we spent $40.

After the breakfast cum lunch, we went to Parkway Parade. Hee. Thought of just walkin around since the two of us da tgh broke but in the end, I still buy things. Cant resist the temptation of buyin stuffs. Bought a denim skirt and a Topshop top. Haha.

Went back to Pasir RIs. Bought some Sushi for Dinner. Sedap seh! haHA then bumped into my sister and Raja Nazrul (her bf). Chilled at Costa Sands Resort for an hour or so then headed home.

19Feb 09
Supposed to meet Faiz for breakfast at Bedok Mcdonald. But both couldnt wake up. Nevermind. So met Faiz at Pasir Ris and watch movie-He's just not that into you. Ok laa. Not so fantastic though.

After which went to my sister's workplace at Ogilvy Centre Starbucks. As usual, I had my Caramel Java Chip with whipped cream. Waited for my sis to finish her work at 6pm. Then had dinner at Lau Pa Sat's Ocean Seafood. Ordered chilli Lala, Cockles, Sambal Stingray and Mee bandung and Prata! Wah so kenyang. Felt so bloated! Haa but its all worth it.

After dinner, Faiz and I went to Clarke Quay. Bought drinks at Cheers so that we could spend time by the river. Then saw this dress at Club Marc. It looked nice. Instead, I bought another dress. Almost 11pm then we made a move to catch the last train home.

20 Feb 09
Met Faiz at Bedok to have our McDonalds braekfast. Haha finally! Then accompanied Faiz trimmed his hair. He looks better in my opinion. Then went back to his place. While he was bathin, I watched my Indo Sinetron Jelita! Then felt sleepy seh. Slept awhile while he played his computer game. Woke up then we quickly headed out to Marina Barrage.

I had lots of fun! Fun at the water playground! Got wet but what the heck. Overall, it is a nice place to chill out and have some ROMANTIC moments. Haha!

22nd Birthday

On the 14th, while most people go out to celebrate what is called "Valentines Day", I on the other hand, celebrated my birthday. My 22nd birthday! Some friends and relatives came to make the event a successful one. Barbeque started at around 6pm. I was busy with the cam takin pictures until I actually forgotten to eat! I swear! The only thing that I had was the Mackerel Otah. Why? Coz that's my favourite of it all. All in all, I regretted that I did not try the rest. Haiz. I SHOULD have. The cake cuttin was held at 9plus PM. There were two cakes. One is Tiramisu and the other is Choco Nut, I think.

Thanks so much FAiz who bought lots of things. I became speechless. The book. The nails. The digital keychain. The Havainas sandal. And the most SURPRISIN of them all-The Bicycle ! I couldnt ask for more. This is more than enough. Never expected. Thanks Sayang!

When the clock striked 10plus Pm, I went up to take a quick shower. DONE. Went to the carpark basement where the car(that belongs to Dut) awaited my arrival. Hahaha. Faiz and I, Aliff, Haziq and Hasif (Cousins) and Dut (Cousin's Friend) made our way to Arab St. So my wish was granted. And that is to have a relaxin and fun night. Upon reachin, we went to a place called Al-Majlis where the other three people waited for us-Elfee,Ahmad and the other birthday boy! Haha what a coincidence!

So since I didnt have anything during the BBQ, I was feeling very hungry!! So i ordered somethin. It was Steak Sandwich with the side Wedges. The steak was so well-done. Not nice. I rather have it Medium-Rare. But! The wedges are nice! Shesha-ed soon after. I think it was Apple Mint flavour. If not then its Strawberry Mint. Cant remember so well now. Played Bingo too. Haha it was fun.! Time checked already 4am and the shop suppose to close by that time so we made a move off from there and went home. Overall, It was a fun day and honestly, I didnt think I would have had alot of fun days before my birthday.

A million thanks to those who wished me well-wishes on that day and special thanks to my dear girlfriend, Farah who came to celebrate it with me. I like the present u bought for me. Thanks darlin! Muakz!!

Happy Birthday To ME!

i MeLt whEn. .

seriously am LOVIN American Idol 2009. Personally, I am so meltin EVERYTIME I hear the two bestfriends, Jamar Rogers and Danny Gokey sing! How amazin! Soooo SOULFUL. I'm so feelin them. Really. I swear I can even drop on my knees. Was youtubin and saw a video of Jamar Roger singin his own written song, 'Jasmine'. I love it! I kinda think that eiher the two can win this season's competition. I would definitely vote for them if I can though. Hehe


Enjoy!! Press Play........

\WorKout dAy/

a.k.a Penyu back in SHatec. How I got that name? well, thanks to an Ex-bf! He gave me that name and somehow it stays with me till now. My friends just L.O.V.E callin by that name. What to do? Like it or hate it. Bluek :P Bein S.L.O.W is just the nature of me. Hah!

Today is a very short day, I find. Woke up late yet again around 16:00hrs like that. Headed to the gym downstairs. Yes! I went to the gym. HAha need to lose at least 5kg mah. Worst part is, I HATE/LOATHE runnin! Never liked it ever since the school days. Everytime durin NAFA Test I just felt totally lifeless and how I wished I was invisible. I would take mornin strolls with a friend (haha whoever u are, thanks for accompanyin). Well, now cant be lazy anymore. MUST lose weight :\

ANyway, 3 more days to the BIG day. I will be 22. Gosh! Gettin old but still young at heart. Heh! Honestly, NOT excited at all about this comin Saturday. Why? Coz the celebration will be havin BBQ with some friends and relatives at HOME! Its alright but I dont wanna be stuck at home all day and night. So told MAma that after the cake cuttin and everythin, I will be headin out. Thought of havin a relaxin night though. Maybe shesha-ing? A-G-A-I-N? Hmm.. Dont know yet. I went to customize my nails for the big day though. Went for the measurement and all last Friday. Cant wait to get the nails done. Will be collectin it this Friday. Its like brown-ish gold with crown sorta decoration on each nails!! Its nice DUH! FAiz just love it. He chose that for me heheh!
I envied Sherlyn for her lovely MAROON coloured nails (well accordin to her its PINK!! ahaha cant believe it!) durin the CNY gatherin but its ok Im gettin mine soon. :P WAkakakaka!!!!

oUts!

::iNsomnia disEase::

havin insomnia for the last two weeks! urgh! somebody pls help me..am goin nuts everytime im still awake at this hour..tried so hard to sleep but just cant!!

by the way, love that Insomnia song by Craig David..

::missin him at this very moment:: :(